My Dearest Grandma

Grandma,

You passed away as soon as I was about to land in Colorado. I didn’t get to say goodbye and that pain stays lingering.  The day before you left everyone told me how excited you were to know that I was on my way.  They said all of a sudden you had the energy and strength to open your eyes wide and express an, “OH REALLY!”  Gosh, you loved me and I loved you so much!!!  I am so sorry I was so far away and came as quickly as I could.  I hated to see your body go away.  I’ve never experienced someone so close to me pass away.  I will definitely miss you and my heart breaks that I will no longer be able to see you in this physical life, to embrace you with a loving hug and a kiss on your beautiful cheek. You always listened to my wild thoughts and ideas. Grandma you were my best friend!  I am blessed to have such a beautiful person in my life.

Your pain and suffering is no more.  Your loneliness is gone.  You completed this life as a fighter and for that I am so so proud of you!!

You loved your family so much and I never understood how much that meant to you. All the pictures and all the items you saved reminds me of how much you loved us all and how important each of us was to you in your life.  We all have a piece of memory to keep with us to remember you!

I never realized your house is like a museum. You were a collector of beautiful things.  I was so engaged in our conversations that I never noticed what you treasured in your home. You had an amazing mind, a great heart, a love for people and you always socialized the best. Thank you for everything you gave me!!

You knew everyone’s strengths and weaknesses and never told anyone to change. No matter how that person lived their life you accepted them just as they are, family or not, and everyone loved you! These past days all we hear is how you were such a beautiful lady.  Grandma, you were so loved and admired by everyone you met!

I remember you telling me that you were praying for me to find a husband.  I would say how difficult I may be to love, and you always said something positive.  I remember when I found him and how happy you were that I was married.  I even had the marriage certificate married to your home.  Thank you for accepting him and making him feel loved and welcomed into our family.  He still loves you so much and will remember you always.

You always did what needed to be done. You were efficient and held your composure through any frustrations or mishaps. You would always say I didn’t get the pleasure of getting an education.  I would reassure you every time and say, “Gram I’m sure you would have been so smart! You have a photographic mind and memory and you just needed the books and materials.  I would explain to you that we don’t get to choose who we are born to, or if we will be rich or poor, nor do we get to pick our parents. Life is a struggle for everyone and we get to struggle poor, together, but with a beautiful family and therefore you are rich.” She understood and say that rich people don’t get the luxuries of coming together and having beans and chile with tortillas, you perfected that mean and how delicious it was.  How happy we all were each time … and happy each and every time together!!

You were very good and wonderful at hospitality and you had a good heart for people’s well being. You always had something on the stove or prepared ready to feed anyone who came over.  If anyone was coming to town you offered your home and anything you could do, you never mind going out of your way.  This was your special gift you offered to the world, which many people don’t have the special ability to have, the gift of hospitality.

Grandma now that you’re in heaven I feel so close to you.  Why is that?  Do you now know all the secrets to life?  Did you accomplish everything here?  If you didn’t, I’m still here to do everything you didn’t get to do, I promise to remember you always.  I will miss you, Gram!! And I will especially miss our long talks on the phone. Thank you for always believing in me and being there for me when I couldn’t understand my reality or those dang emotions.

If I could ask you for help what I want to ask you for is your structure, your strength, your focus and your responsibility. You always made sure everything was paid and taken care of! 💖You never cried poor me, I only have $2 left. You always stayed strong, held your ground and were very independent and always stayed classy. You probably looked at all of us like c’mon guys get it together. (lol) You made it look so easy 💖 I loved your true colors, your smile, and your beautiful nature.

Gram you were 87 years old and you have seen so many come and go. I’m sorry for the heartbreaks.  If anyone knew what suffering looked like it was you!  I’m glad you’re in your resting place.  How wonderful you made it seem when you said you saw your mommy and your boys!!  You give us hope here and you make our fears at ease.  I hope you have seen Grandpa Manuel and you got to tell him about how wonderful life was, and also how hard it was raising your sons on your own, yet how simple, wonderful and how many good times you had.

Your pain and suffering are no more, your loneliness is gone.  No more lonely pangs for you Grandma, you finished and completed this life as a fighter!  I am so so proud of you!!

I will make sure to keep loving my dad, your last son remaining here, and I promise to call him and my mom every day.  I promise to stay in touch with your other 4 granddaughters who you loved so much, your sister who was your very best friend and all of the family members who you would always talk about.  I know that is what you would have wanted and how much everyone meant to you.  I promise to keep in touch with everyone who was close to your heart.

You made us realize how precious life is, and from the bottom of my heart, I sincerely thank you!!  I will keep your pictures hung up and your memories alive!  I hope to see you again Grandma, I will miss you so so much!!

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“Be Patient”

I often have dreams I’m talking to a “spirit guide”, whom I feel extremely close to… What I can remember about my dream this morning is that she told me to be patient. She also left me with, “Can you spell patient right now?” I instantly knew I was sleeping because I knew how to spell patient in the awake life but not in the dream life.  As soon as I spelled it correctly I awoke.

So maybe we don’t take this current life knowledge (such as things we learn like spelling and math) with us to the dream life or afterlife. Maybe this life is set up for what we accomplish here in this lifetime.  Which will not matter if we are rich or poor.  I say maybe because we cannot find this spiritual knowledge as factual information here in this life.

It’s not about power nor status, it’s about helping and getting things accomplished. We do need knowledge for this life to get things done.  Just make sure it’s your calling which would look and feel easy, but is not easy for others, but also helps others in this world. Greed and power will hold you back.  Improving and growing without any regrets is the goal, so when you leave this life and upgrade to the next you will have that to take with you.

Life is not easy and we must be patient.  Leaving you with this insight I found within a dream and wishing you all a peaceful journey in 2018! ✨

pa·tient /ˈpāSHənt/ adjective
able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious. “be patient, your time will come”